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Dating & Love Research
NHK Interview with Dating Coach Leon and Popular Q&As Collected

Source: NHK Interview with Dating Coach Leon and various popular questions collected from members.


Q: How do I look for a suitable partner?

A: You may expand your social circle in events or activities that suits you but in the context that the people are genuine singles and they are attitude are correct. Some likes it cheap and free. Because it is less risk in monetary sense. Well, do you think such behaviour reflects their attitude and hence whom you will meet? Or rather you prefer to meet someone who is sincere and pretty serious about a relationship. Of course, a reputable and proven agency with skills and experience is most important as that tells about their success stories and approaches in helping singles. Find an agency that is truly sincere in helping you not just their marketing talks. Another avenue of course will be your personal friend's social circle where you meet common friends. The advantage would be better connection and perhaps understanding of the person from your friend's perspective, also there will be support from your friends.

In the first place, you must understand why you want to enter into a relationship or marriage. For a different type of life i.e. family life or companionship? Or simply because it is a social norm?

Q: Are common hobbies or interests important?

A: Hobbies and interests are a starting point for singles to connect through a common activity or topic. It does not guarantee success in future. I think personality like values and beliefs are more critical. Because it is hard to change one's values and belief system but it is easy to find or pickup a new interest or hobby. So that's why interest groups are not necessarily a good place to find a partner. Maybe a volunteer group would be much better avenue to meet someone of higher calibre.

Q: I was told by an agency to attend more events so I can have better chance of success.

A: This is not a game of cards, numbers or lottery. The event should suit your personality you are looking for. If you dislike outdoor activities, why do you join a hiking event? It is also the technique and method you approach events. Being focus on what you are looking for is important. Do not be lost in noises. You may meet many people, but it takes lots of time to know a person deeply. It will be a different person you have perceived initially. It is common. So even at the initial stage, a mental "screening" is needed to only focus on those whom you think can be potential partners, not just based on love at first sight or physical attraction or flowery words. From my experience, success goes to those who attend lesser events but they get it right because they are focused on what they want and not seeking perfection. There is no perfect partner, everyday there might be "someone better" appearing in front of you. But time is not on your side, how long do you intend to let this cycle last? Successful participants are rational and realistic. Coming terms with themselves to even seek professional help or advice.

Q: How can I find a happy marriage?

A: A happy marriage is defined by a couple. A good measure is by the values and beliefs that both of you hold true to. Establish a common purpose in life and works towards it. It could be building a family together. This should be a teamwork and not responsibility shifting/finger pointing. Continue to date and love each other as in your courtship stage. Never think of divorce as an option when you enter a marriage. If you have that in mind, make sure it is cleared off from your mind else do not enter a marriage with an "Emergency Exit". Marriage is about finding happiness between 2 people, coming together in a commitment. Having shared the happiness, they need also to know how to share the unhappiness in life too. Then they will experience the joy of a marriage. This joy will hold them together strongly because they are growing in the marriage not stagnant or deteriorating. It becomes complete and meaningful. If you think you cannot handle the stress or issues that could arise from a marriage, then you should rethink.

Basic fundamental questions of the existence of your relationship should be around your values and beliefs (religion plays an important part), goals in life / family life and lifestyle. There are no perfections but both must come into an agreement and commit to it after marriage. They should have a mindset of giving happiness to their partner and being mindful of reducing the unhappiness they produce or result to their partner; whether in actions, words, or thoughts.

Q: I can’t confirm if he or she is the one, I am stilling looking around.

A: I think this is a cycle of search and decision. A decision has to be reached one day. Because this cycle can go on for rest of your life! Members must know what happiness means and everyone wants to seek happiness. Well, happiness is not without a package call unhappiness. We have to accept both in life. Be it with ANYONE in a marriage, there is both happiness and unhappiness in co-existence. This imperfection exists. So it is about finding the balance between the two and managing it well between 2 parties, which involves lifestyle, communications, commitments, values & beliefs, goals in life etc. Make a wise decision and see through it your whole life.

For those who are blinded by their own selfishness of only wanting happiness for themselves, seek to become a player or unfaithful or irresponsible spouse which led to high divorce rates for past years. Most are unwilling to change their lifestyle which can threaten a marriage.